My Nate is home : )

And the last few days have been so wonderful. We're taking engagement pictures today with my dear friend Andie Tucker. I think she's the only person who could make standing around having someone take my picture fun and not awkward. I love her and I am incredibly excited. I'll post some of the pictures ones we have them.

Have a lovely day my dears!

I just found out that I'm only going to get to spend 12 days with my fiance before he goes to Japan for two years.

There's really nothing I can say about that.

Work

Tonight I must:

Write one short story. It must be finished tonight so that I can edit it tomorrow to turn in on Wednesday
Study for my Spanish test tomorrow. A lot
Design engagement party invitations so that Julie has time to make them and get them mailed out. Also must create the facebook event for that so I can get everyone's addresses. The facebook event doesn't necessarily have to be done tonight, but soon.
Mop the stairwells in my dorm. Since I'm on the dorm cleaning crew I can get work hours for this, and if I'm trying to get ahead on my hours so I can go home Thursday instead of Friday.
Clean my own room. It's disgusting.

Also, must make coffee. Ready, set, GO!

My Dear Teameffort

This week I made a very tough decision. Next summer I will not be going back to Teameffort. Those of you who read my blog during the summer (which was probably most of you, seeing as I'm not that popular) got a small glimpse of how much I love it. It makes me so happy. I love the chaos, getting my hands dirty serving the Lord, watching campers grow throughout the week, and all other little things like how much Sweet T loved her flowers. It makes me sad to think that I won't be doing all that again next summer, that my car will not be getting more paint splashed on it and that I will not be spending most of my days grimy and soaked in my own sweat. But I think it may be time for a new season in my life. Way back in September we got an email asking if we wanted to sign up for next summer, and even though I immediately thought "YES!" I've been procrastinating sending that email for months. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I just felt like something was holding me back. Earlier this week it occurred to me that if I didn't sign up soon it could end up being too late, so I sat down to send the email and realized that deep down I didn't want to do it. That didn't make any sense to me. I enjoy every second of it, so why wouldn't I want to go back? I prayed about it for a very long time, and I know God has other plans for me next summer. He often speaks to me through my feelings, and I know the very settled feeling I have against it means something. I'm probably going to spend the summer at home, get a job and actually have free time to rest with my family and friends. When I think about that it feels like something deep in my soul begins to relax. For the last two years the longest period of rest I've had has been winter break last year, and even that was still and in between time before the next semester started. I'm often wrong, but at the moment I think that God's plan for me next summer is to for me to learn to just be, not to be doing all the time. Action is necessary, but so is not acting sometimes, and that is definitely a lesson I need to learn. I will miss Teameffort dearly, but for now it's time for me to move on.

I found out today that my dad and his girlfriend broke up. At first I couldn't believe it. Linda has been living with my dad for almost 3 years. When I first met her I decided that I wasn't going to get to know her; she was the third woman to live with my dad in six years. She would leave eventually, so I just wasn't going to try this time. But after a while I got to know her, and I liked her, and I didn't realize how big a part of my life she'd become until I suddenly realized that she's not going to be a part of it anymore. She gave me someone to talk to about my dad and about his family at grandma's memorial. When my dad didn't say anything about my engagement, she showed me some wedding planning websites and looked at wedding dresses with me online. She always cooked vegetarian dinners for me when I came over, and her art was always all over the house. I loved looking at her art. I wanted her to be a part of my wedding planning. I was looking forward to her coming to the engagement party and just getting to talk about the whole process with her and get her advice, since her daughter got married a few years ago. I knew she could do better than my dad and that he didn't treat her right, but it still didn't seem like she would ever leave. But now she has, and I want to keep her around. I want to still hang out with her, to talk to her and hear about her life, but I don't know if that will be possible. I'll probably call her sometime soon and see about that. I'd still like her to come to the engagement party, but that would probably be too awkward for both her and Dad.
It makes me sad to think that my dad is alone now. That he's going to have two rooms in his house what were Linda's art studio and office that he's going to have to do something with now, that he's going to be spending so much time in his house alone. I'm even more sad because this proves that he hasn't changed, that his cycle is still going to continue. Soon he'll have another girlfriend, and my bet is that within a year there will be someone else living with him. Maybe I really won't bother to get to know her this time.