New Struggles

This school year has been great thus far, but also extraordinarily busy and often rather hectic. I'm still working in Sage Cafe, the campus coffee shop, but this semester I'm managing the cafe instead of working the counter, which is very rewarding but also involves daily work rather than working a two long shifts each week, and takes a lot more mental energy and motivation. I've also returned to the job I had last year cleaning for an old woman named Patsy. She's so funny! She's a very foul-mouthed and spunky old woman, and has led a wild, and sometimes tragic, life. I'm very happy to get to know her, and I'm also quite happy to be able to help her, since she's so feeble she can do very little by herself. That takes only a few hours every week, and fortunately I get to choose when. This year I also got another job working as a cashier in our cafeteria for lunch 2-3 days a week. My roommate and I are planning to take a road trip to San Francisco after I graduate, so I got the job in the cafeteria to save up for that. The time fits really well in my schedule, but sometimes it makes for very hectic days, going from class to work in the cafeteria, and then to work for Patsy, and then sometimes even to work in Sage after that. And then homework. I have the time for all of these things, but sometimes it gets a little overwhelming. My biggest struggle in all this is realizing that, while I am trying to do everything, it's ok if I don't. I've realized in the last few weeks that, as a life long over achiever and perfectionist, somewhere along the way I built my sense of self-worth around what I do rather than in my identity as God's child. I find that how good I feel about myself depends on whether or not I feel like others are impressed by me and see me as a smart, capable person. I've also realized that I've set unrealistic expectations for myself. I cannot be perfect, and I need to learn to be ok with my own failures and to not rail on myself when I make mistakes; everybody makes mistakes, and I am no exception. I had to sit down the other day and admit all of this to myself and to God. I cannot meet the expectations I have set for myself, and it is time for me to start heading in a new direction in terms of how I perceive myself. Doing that is going to take a lot of prayer, and I know that's going to be a huge struggle for me in this chaotic semester, but I need to do this.

So that's what's going on in my life right now. I'm going to try to be better about updating this blog this year. We'll see how it goes.

Happy Friday everybody!